DATELINE: East Waynesville, NC

In the town of East Waynesville, North Carolina, tucked away behind the hills of western North Carolina, a religious schism has occurred that threatens the entire United States of America. According to to the bylaws of his church, the pastor of the East Waynesville Baptist Church has thrown out certain members of his congregation due to a terrible act of unGodly proportions. The despicable act was none other than disrespecting the instruction of the pastor and VOTING FOR JOHN KERRY! Yes, you have heard it reported here correctly. Certain Christian worshippers were summarily dismissed from their house of worship because they didn't vote the way they were told by their pastor. In an interview on MSNBC, David Richardson, a member of this church and a leader in the congregation, remarked that, "It was not a non-Catholic thing." The sad fact concerning this remark is that he was never asked about it being a "Catholic thing" one way or the other. Stay tuned.